I know some amazing dads, fathers, step-dads, guardians and those that are just there by name only, both offline and online. But when the time came to being a father to a new born I really didn’t know what to expect or how my life was going to change.
Having been in Beth’s life since she was 6 meant I missed all of the developmental years, nappies and tantrums. It also meant I was completely unawares of the life changing feeling of pregnancy, labour and then the first few years.
Han-Son Lee from Daddilife is my dad in the spotlight today to share his story of how life changing become a parent was in a very open and honest interview. You see Han-Son now has an amazing son Max who is 3 in October and will happily admit prior to Max’s arrival he was very focused on his careers and now it’s all changed.
So I asked what’s changed?
I definitely see less friends now and the simple things like movie nights are a thing of the past. Life is just messier in general and our tranquil calm home is now just a sea of mess.
I can truly relate to that, no one says how messy babies and toddlers are. So how was the pregnancy and how did you find the labour, did you cut the cord?
Throughout the pregnancy I went through a full range of emotions from fear to joy, shock and then surprise. I really wanted to be there at every stage of the process as much as possible. We’re so fortunate that there was no complications from conception all the way through to Labour. I’m so glad that I was there throughout the labour even though I felt it was a little traumatic. We’re all hoping for an easy one so if that means holder her leg up which she was pushing and simultaneously giving her gas and air, then so be it.
I remember cutting the cord, it was like cutting a piece of meat with small scissors – really weird. I do remember it being rather momentous though – the part where I officially shared keeping our baby alive.
Following on from the labour, I’ve been a working Dad like yourself. I’m lucky that I’ve not had to make any really tough decisions around work but it could definitely been a little bit easier on me.
Really, what would you have done to change your work situation food needs to be put on the table?
I wish there was more flexibility around my working patterns. I’d love to able to work from home at least 2-3 times a week. Throughout Max’s first year I became so protective of him I was more like a bodyguard than a dad at times.
Throughout the first year it’s a constant balancing act. It’s exhausting and exhilarating in equal measures. If I could do it all again I’d have definitely chilled out a little more.
Luckily my partner understood and supported a lot of what I was working on but at work, it was really tough to balance things there.
Would you offer any suggestions to dads looking for a bit of support?
Look out for Facebook support groups or relevant blogs. Someone else is going through what you are, you just need to find them.
How was the first year with regards to finances and your relationship at home?
There was finance pressure at times but having good communication and compromise was the key. We can always improve on that too. The first year is tough on your relationship as you’re both so engrossed in parenthood that you forget/not able to have couple time.
Did those problems extend to nurseries and choices that had to be made between you?
Where do I start. We had to find our own flow, and the right mechanisms so that when things didn’t go to plan, we were keeping things in perspective. I see a lot of impatient parenting these days, and that all just rubs off on the kids eventually.
Coming up to Max’s third birthday what do you think about yourself as a parent?
I love being a parent, Max is just like me. As a Dad, I’m constantly trying to be a better one each day.
That’s really nice to hear, it’s clearly been a big learning experience.
Having a child is a magical experience from the they start walking through to being able to sit down and truly understand my son’s needs. It’s difficult to balance everything in life but when Max said Dad and I love you, it was just magical and you forget everything else.
Being a dad has made me more conscious of the wider world and the sort of world that my son is growing up in.
I want to know what I can do to make it better as my son, is the best thing in my life.
It truly sounds like it. Thank you Han-Son for that insightful look at becoming a dad. Any tips?
Invest in a Diaper Genie. One of the best things we’ve ever brought!
Couldn’t agree me.
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If you’d like to be interviewed as part of my Dad Spotlight, just email me at CorporateDadUK@Gmail.com and we’ll set up an interview.