Bees, Trees and Please: The Poster on My Fridge That Says Everything
My daughter painted bees, trees and the word please. It's stuck to the fridge and it's taught me more about being kind than any management book.
There is a piece of paper in our kitchen which describes my daughter perfectly.
She is an absolute dream of a child, and this poster tells you why better than I can. Because of everything on that paper, the word that stops me is "please". It is the smallest, most ordinary word, and it is the most kind thing she could have chosen.
What's actually on the poster
Bees first, because they need to be protected and we'll always bring a sugar drink for any that are tired after a hard days graft. Then trees, weve got some issues with protected trees being cut down.
Love. Love is so important if you dont love something, you take it for granted.
Then the word, painted last, in the biggest letters of the three.
I asked her why "please". She said, "Because it's a nice word." That was the whole explanation. No deeper meaning, no lesson, just a five-year-old deciding that the best thing to put on a poster next to the bees was the nicest word she knew.
When you're juggling work and whatever the day throws at you, the small things your kids make get filed under clutter.
She notices things like that. She notices when someone at the table hasn't had pudding, or when it'sthe last sweet and you've not had one yet. Her love for other people isn't showy. It's quiet and constant, and it's there every single day.
Being kind is something you practise
I've sat through enough management training to know how the word "kind" gets used in offices. It turns up on values posters and in slide decks and means almost nothing by the time it's reached the third meeting of the day.
Watching her, it looks much simpler than that:
She shares without being asked, and then tells you about it afterwards because she's pleased with herself.
She checks on people who are quiet, which is a skill most adults lose somewhere around twenty-five.
She says please and thank you because she likes how it feels, not because a teacher is watching.
That's not a personality trait she was handed at birth. It's practice. She sees it done around her, she copies it, and it becomes normal. Which means when she's kind, she's reflecting what she's grown up with rather than some natural gift.
She gets it from her mum
That's the thing about her kindness: it has a source, and I live with it. My wife Rachel, who writes over at Marvellous Mrs P, gives that same quiet attention to everyone around her. She's the one who notices when I've had a hard day before I've said a word about it. She's the one who remembers birthdays, checks in, and does the small unglamorous things that hold a family together.
Our daughter has been watching that since she was born. Stands to reason she'd pick it up.
What I'm taking from a bit of painted paper
I'm not going to turn a poster into a life philosophy. But it has made me change a couple of small habits:
Look at the things they make before I put them on the fridge, not three days later.
Tell her when she's been kind, out loud, and explain exactly what she did. "You noticed Grandma was tired" lands better than "you're such a good girl".
Copy her a bit. If a five-year-old can check on people, so can a forty-something bloke with a spreadsheet open on his laptop.
I'd genuinely like to know what your kids decided to paint.
Related: Daddy or Mummy, what Traits does your Child Have?, Halloween in Wigan: a zipped face, a reluctant two year old and a street full of kind kids
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